Yesterday, the Nats’ GM Rizzo put his ft up on his desk, rolled up 1,000,000 greenback invoice and used it to lit a cigar stuffed with million greenback payments, saying, “And that’s why I gave Patrick Corbin $140 million eight years after his prime.” Patrick Corbin went 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 6.06. You may assume to your self, “Rattling, I ought to’ve streamed Patrick Corbin yesterday as a result of the Streamonator liked it,” however I’d want to assume, “I ain’t ever beginning a pitcher with a 6+ ERA.” His final three years of ERAs are…I’d ask for a drum roll, however they deserve a tragic trombone…4.66, 5.82, 6.06. If we have been in Bizarro World, you’d be accumulating your crown from America’s Subsequent Prime Mannequin and Patrick Corbin could be an ace. Anyway, right here’s what else I noticed yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Bednar – Out with a sore again, however the Pirates don’t assume it’ll be an IL stint-type harm, and he’ll be capable to get again on the market and throw 65 pitches per outing in just some days. When you wanna speculate on Pirates saves, there’s Stratton, however sadly not Dorothy.
Diego Castillo – 1-for-3 and his eighth homer, and three homers in 4 video games, 4 homers in six video games and 5 homers within the final ten video games. About as sizzling of a schmotato as sizzling schmotatoes get. (Oh, and Pirates supervisor’ Derek Shelton pinch hit for Castillo within the ninth, as a result of he’s obtained nuggs for brains.)
Jose Quintana – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Again within the preseason, Son wrote a Jose Quintana fantasy and I gave him crap for it for about six weeks, and now Son is wiping his butt with me in our RCL league, and karma sucks. If I have been making the universe, I’d merely have karma not exist.
Kenley Jansen – Hit the IL with an irregular heartbeat. Yikes. Not nice. I thought Kimbrel would possibly’ve had an irregular heartbeat, however I used to be taking a look at a rolling line chart of his BB/9. Yesterday, A.J. Minter (1 IP, 0 ER, 1.64 ERA) obtained the save, and Will Smith (didn’t pitch) must also be within the combine. Minter’s higher; Smith’s obtained je nais se SAGNOF. I believed it will be Smith, however since Minter obtained minted with the primary post-Kenley save, I’d transfer him to the lead. That is vital, as a result of Jansen could be out for 2 weeks or the remainder of the yr.
Ronald Acuña Jr. – Out of the lineup with “under no circumstances a fractured foot, he’s merely utilizing a Wal-Mart scooter to get across the clubhouse, it’s all good, child child.”
Matt Olson – 2-for-4 and his eleventh and twelfth homer. Ha, all you nerds have been saying Olson was sucking up the ol’ suckhole and have a look at him now! He’s so good! (I’m making an attempt optimistic affirmations; is it in any respect plausible?)
Travis d’Arnaud – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his eleventh homer. Can’t be a coinicdence that d’Arnaud beginning hitting nicely after he dumped d’Mariashriver.
Zach Eflin – Hit the IL with knee discomfort he’s had for weeks. Too dangerous he wasn’t Zach Elfin, then his knees could be his waist and he’d be superb.
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his twenty second homer. Who’s gonna be the one to inform Schwarber that June is 54 days lengthy?
Michael Brantley – Hit the IL with shoulder discomfort. He damage himself shouldering all my comparisons of younger Astros prospects to him.
Kyle Tucker – 1-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (15) and legs (14), hitting .255. What’s good about Tucker, he by no means appears to get sizzling or chilly. He’s simply constantly strong. About to begin calling him Mr. H2H.
Yordan Alvarez – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his twenty third homer, hitting .321. Captain Woo Cubano rocking out as a result of boys too wanna have enjoyable.
Yuli Gurriel – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his sixth homer, hitting .228. Wait a second, Mr. July 2019 is risin’? Is it Juli Gurriel again for a redux?
Framber Valdez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.65. As candy as a well-ripen, just-picked raspberry. Name him Framboise, and provides him a beret and go to EuroDisney.
Max Scherzer – Appears set to return to the Mets on July 4th. Hopefully he will get stoned previous to the sport so he has purple, white and blue eyes.
Carlos Carrasco – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.85. Wouldn’t shock me that after Scherzer returns, Carrasco goes on a month-long Ineffective Record stint to see if they will repair his crizzappy pitching.
Jazz Chisholm Jr. – Left the sport with decrease again discomfort. I had the identical factor occur after I tried to observe Jazz by Ken Burns. I obtained 900 minutes in and main decrease again discomfort.
Jorge Polanco – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his eighth homer, as he was activated from the IL. I often do the Kevin from “Get Him In Your Lineup” Division schtick when a man returns and will get put proper again in each lineup, however is Polanco that man nonetheless? Prolly, however really want to see one thing.
Carlos Correa – 1-for-5, 2 runs and his ninth homer, and 2nd homer in two video games, however there’s been three video games due to a doubleheader and, ya know what, you get what I’m saying.
Jose Miranda – 3-for-7, and his fifth homer. I’m scripting this whereas getting repeated texts from Cougs about Travis Barker being unwell, and I didn’t even know she knew him, so I’m battling confusion as I write this, however Miranda is probably a cyclops with a monocle in most shallower leagues.
Byron Buxton – 2-for-6, 2 runs and his twentieth homer. I wager that he would hit the IL earlier than his twentieth homer, so I simply misplaced 5 imaginary {dollars}. Hope you’re comfortable!
Devin Smeltzer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.86. Reasonably than the Streamonator, I ought to’ve drafted Smeltzer as an alternative of Jose Berrios.
Emilio Pagan – 0 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.62, and seems formally executed with any semblance of the nearer job in Minny-soda, yah? Yah, Margie. I’d go Jhoan Duran, and nobody else.
Marwin Gonzalez – 2-for-3 and his third homer. May Marwin some, however Marwin simply misplaced one. He’s additionally hitting .333 in June with all his dongs.
JP Sears – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 1 Okay, ERA at zippo as he obtained a spot begin vs. the A’s. Enjoyable truth! Sears and the A’s are each going out of enterprise.
Frankie Montas – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.20, as he went into Yankee Stadium. In Hollywood, that is what they name, “An audition.”
Trevor Story – 1-for-4 and his twelfth homer. Bizarre how he solely has 12 homers when the final time he obtained sizzling he hit 17 homers in three days. Welp, math! Am I proper?
Rob Refsnyder – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Went again to take a look at what individuals on the location had stated about Refsnyder previously, and I discovered the 2015 Yankees prospects report with Aaron Choose on high, simply edging out Greg Fowl! Then you definitely’ll by no means guess who was between Fowl and #4 prospect, Luis Severino. Man now with the O’s.
Hansel Robles – 0 IP, 0 ER and blew his fifth save. Like to see Jarren Duran and Tanner Houck getting to point out off their abilities in a playoff-type environment. Younger gamers like that stepping up once they’re most wanted need to be impressing their teammates and membership. Is what you possibly can think about one saying proper now.
Ross Stripling – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.12. Checked out his participant web page to see if I needs to be trusting him extra and the quick reply is: Sure. The lengthy reply is yeeeeeeeees. His numbers kinda remind me of JoMo. Who requested for mo’ JoMo? Since you obtained it! He’s getting by on pinpoint command, however that may play. Anyplace from a 1.5 to 2 BB/9 performs you probably have 7+ Okay/9, and he does.
Yoan Moncada – 2-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. I initially spelled his identify Moancada, then I believed, “Yeah, ‘moan’ in agony from rostering him.”
Luis Robert – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his eighth homer. Get sizzling for the love of Giancarlo and boba, get sizzling!
Mike Trout – 1-for-4 and his twenty third homer. Additionally, on this sport, Shohei Ohtani (3-for-3, 2 RBIs) hit his seventeenth homer. Feels kinda vital that Trout and Ohtani homered and the Angels misplaced by seven.
Robbie Ray – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.78. Look, I’m smiling. Don’t you wish to preserve me smiling?
Dean Kremer – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.29. What’s this man been doing, mainlining Sandy Koufax? Between Bruce Zimmermann’s April and Kremer and Wells’s June, the O’s are producing a bunch of the least attractive-for-fantasy starters I’ve ever seen. Did the O’s rent Mike Leake to be their pitching coach?
Tarik Skubal – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.75. Rattling, he obtained so spent within the final month, huh? His numbers nonetheless look wonderful. Watch him out of the blue announce he’s obtained a useless arm, or some shizz. I’m holding, however I’m involved.
Brandon Woodruff – 5 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.44 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from “Get Him In Your Lineup” Division stated, “I can drive a bunch to lunch since I obtained a handicap placard from my mother. Appeared a disgrace to waste it since I don’t assume she’s going out as we speak.”
Luis Urias – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his seventh homer. Has been a bit yawnstipating, however to be a worthwhile piece for his draft value, he prolly solely must get to twenty homers and .250. *appears to be like at his stats* So, he’s obtained some work to do.
Shane Baz – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38. “Okay, we’d like Baz to go towards Elvis Andrus and Vogelbach to placed on a Tom Hanks masks.” — That’s me as head of MLB advertising.
Jon Grey – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.89. Streamonator loves his subsequent begin much more, and he’s obtained Ray in his identify and I’m considering of Robbie really pitching nicely, and I’m smiling once more.
Kyle Isbel – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. When you choose him up, the Royals will begin taking part in Olivares, and, when you choose up Olivares, they’ll play Isbel.
Seiya Suzuki – May start a rehab project as we speak. Loopy to assume this was initially referred to as a day-to-day harm. Who’s his physician, Jonathan India?
Keegan Thompson – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.34. Practically made Keegan the lede, as a result of I watched him and was tremendous impressed, however everybody reads every part I write, so I don’t have to put Keegan up high. Proper? Mmhmm. Keegan’s obtained a brand new slider that he’s utilizing it with extra success than different breaking pitches, and he’s not that shabby with the butter cutter and alter. The slider although can transfer Keegan from an eventual pen arm to a rotation piece. Nonetheless extra of a 15+ blended league man, however I might see 12 teamers beginning to take a foot off the brake quickly.
Luis Castillo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.32, as he threw 123 pitches. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA–breathe, Gray, breathe! I virtually handed out after I noticed Dumb Bell run Castillo out for 123 pitches. He’s their finest piece to commerce in July. Do you assume you would possibly wish to be sure you get him to July wholesome?
Jonathan India – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Sonavabench! Actually the primary time I took him out of my lineup all yr when he’s been wholesome, in order that proves India’s not the issue, I’m.
Hunter Strickland – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.91, and his 4th save. I’ve been remiss in saying Strickland looks like he’s taken maintain of the Reds’ nearer job, however I wouldn’t mess with him, outdoors of NL-Solely leagues, as I say on this week’s podcast — now you can watch us on Youtube. Properly, watch and pay attention, I suppose.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – Projected to rejoin the Padres in early August. I learn that information and sobbed, then thought, “Hey, it’ll be like my groups made a commerce for one of many high gamers within the league in August, giving up nothing.” Then I thought of how Acuña’s performed since he’s returned and sobbed once more.
Zac Gallen – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.32. Padres requested Gallen to reply the query, “Who’s your daddy?”
Sean Manaea – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.92. On this sport, Mazara hit his 2nd homer. Manaea/Mazara seems like a David Letterman Uma/Oprah bit.
Manny Machado – Noticed an replace yesterday that he was sitting, and I utterly forgot that he hadn’t been IL’d. In relation to slow-playing a hand: The Pointer Sisters = Padres.
Randal Grichuk – 1-for-4 and his eighth homer. He nonetheless has loads of time to get sizzling and go donging round Coors, however bear in mind how excited everybody was for him in Coors? That dissipated faster than you possibly can say, “Bud Black has no concept who Elehuris Montero is.”
Elias Diaz – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his fifth homer. Elias Sports activities Bureau Diaz has two homers within the final week, and, nicely, if he’s in Coors, cool. If he’s out of Coors, then think about heat Coors.
Max Muncy – 2-for-4 and his sixth homer. You don’t want a working elbow when you’ve Coors.
Freddie Freeman – 2-for-5, 1 run, and seventh steal. Unsure when you’ve been following together with this, however Freddie Freeman went to Atlanta and beginning bawling in a press convention as a result of he missed the Braves, then he fired his agent, due to how his free company was dealt with. Freddie, simply come proper out and say you don’t like Los Angeles! The issue is, the Braves aren’t that into you. Allow them to go, bro! Freddie Freeman and the Dodgers/Braves state of affairs is illustrative of 1 factor: By no means let anybody understand how you’re feeling. If it’s important to cry, do it within the bathe.
